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BEHOLD! YE OLDE GUIDE TO COLLEGE GREENHORNS (A Freshman's Guide to College)

Pao P

*medieval music plays in the distance*

HALT! Thou art new, art thee, adventurer? Chin up! I knoweth the looks of greenhorns when I see one. The seemingly confused visage of a newbie prowling the Kingd- err.. University grounds! Stop averting thy eyes from me, you Level 1 novice, for I shall guideth thee towards thy first day here in this foreign land that thee shall now call... HOME!

BEHOLD! YE OLDE GUIDE TO COLLEGE GREENHORNS

Step 1: STOP being a Knave and Learn to Ask Questions (Don't Be Too Shy To Ask)

"What is that shiny new building over yonder?" "Is that room where my training shall commence?" "Whence might I gaze upon the Holy Royal Throne a.k.a the Restroom?" 

Queries, queries.. Thee keepeth asking these to thyself, acting like a vile hugger-mugger in the shadows, afraid to speak thine own mind. 

FOOLISH NINCOMPOOP! Go ask the nearest sir or madame around your vicinity and relieve your curiousities. It does not matter whether they look like a fancy princess or a pitiful peasant. Free thy mind from these little troubles! 

And stuff that dainty attitude of yours somewhere faraway, mayhaps an ugly wizard's lair where you'll never find it again. Being shy will not aid thee in anyway in this University!


Step 2: Attendeth All Thy Classes Over Thy First Day (Never Skip Your First Day)

Thou silly miscreant may be thinking, "Alas, the first day may not be so helpful in mine own future tribulations, better spend the rest of my day drinking ale instead!"

NAUGHTY MUSHRUMP! If thou art thinking this, then thou art horribly mistaken. 

First impressions with your glamorous instructors may be the single most important mark you'll leave them, as the old saying goes. There is nothing more endearing than seeing a bright-faced, beady-eyed student eager for even a wee-bit of their instructor's vast store of knowledge. 

It also prevents you from missing out important requirements over the first day, saving you the hassle!

BEHOLD! YE OLDE GUIDE TO COLLEGE GREENHORNS

Step 3: Find Thyself A Fitting Guild (Make Friends)

You don't expect yourself to Beowulf your way into the fray, do you? Even valorous King Arthur had his Knights of the Circular Desk. (Ha!) 

SNIVELING JESTER! Do not be foolish to walk the path alone, for thou will prematurely perish!

In this sea of inexperienced students, you'll find it easy enough to belong to a group of your own, easier than engulutting a scrumptious morsel. Ah, the same bubbly-faced youth brimming with innocence brings back a lot mine own memories. Aye, lad, brings a warm tear down my cheek.

Nothing better than walking the rough path of academics with friends by your side, through grief and gratitude, through shame and glory.

MAKE FRIENDS, YOU ANTI-SOCIAL CUB!

BEHOLD! YE OLDE GUIDE TO COLLEGE GREENHORNS

Step 4: Hone Thy Weapon Of Choice (Some Tips For Your Study Habits)

Finally, we now take to the action! Hone your shield and sword, quill and parchment, pen and paper. Gird your loins with thy choice of arms as we partake upon the glory of battle! 

*EN GARDE!*

TAKE INTO MIND THE TRICKS OF THY ENEMIES! (Jot down notes and pay attention to your Professors)

*Hyaaaaaaaaah!*

PARRY THY NEED TO CATCH BUT A WINK! (Make sure to get enough rest to prevent fatigue)

*CLANG!*

PRACTICE THY MONOLOGUES AND START SMALL, LIKE GOBLIN QUESTS! (Prepare yourself for small tests or pop quizzes by studying constantly everyday. Allot 2-3 hours each day for studying to not get overwhelmed)

*BRRRRRRTTTT! BOOOM!*

FINALLY, SLAY THY FIRST FOUL BEAST AND SAVE THY FIRST DAMSEL! (You will be more than prepared for the major exams now that you're constantly reviewing your daily lessons. It's a lot better than cramming everything in one go, which will only result in panic and failure)

...

And there thee have it! Chest out and heave thyself away from my sight! Thou art more than ready for the next undertaking. 

Do not forget thy und'rwear over thy adventures. Good luck out there and Godspeed!


#AcademicGuide
#medievalfunnyguidefreshman


By Pao P
Works as Customer Service Representative/Technical at Sykes Asia Inc.